15 Oct

I’m struggling right now.  There, I said it. 

This time of year is super tough for me.  The weather is growing colder and the sunlight disappears for days on end.  The blah days are beginning to out number the beautiful, sun filled carefree day and nights that were the last glimpse of summer.

While I love the opportunity to snuggle down with a good book and warm blankets with the kids while the rain falls outside (for the third day in a row), my brain hates this time of year—specifically the part that deals with sleep and mood.

Last night, I was heading to Adoration (holy hour of prayer before our Lord) with 2 of my dear friends and the topic of mothers and mental health came up.  We were sharing stories about times or scenarios that naturally bring anxiety and/or depression and/or irrational mood swings. 

For me, when Fall hits, a huge shift in our day to day routine takes place, mainly because we homeschool.  Our days and nights revolve around this decision.  And other commitments kick in again—sports, fine arts groups, co-ops, atrium sessions (a HUGE contributor to my crazy brain).  Every day, we are moving and shaking—which I love.  I used to think that I rolled best when we were busy.  Now I would say, I roll best when we are busy and my brain can keep up.

When the sunlight begins to disappear, my brain goes a bit nutty and insomnia kicks in which makes my anxiety crazy.  I lay awake at night with this or that nonsense running through my brain over and over and over.  I get up, I walk around, I lay down somewhere else, I catch a glimpse of sleep here or there.  Eck.  I hate it. 

During our car ride last night, we were commenting that we all struggle with these mental health issues.  Every single one of my friends has battles with this here and there—some more than others, but it is a common thread. 

Yet, I struggle to write about it because it is so very personal.  I have to pray with every fiber of my being to keep my crazy brain in tact.  I know what my triggers are and this time of year, I have to be extra vigilant. 

This season is passing—literally and figuratively.  I know It will all be OK.  It always is. 

Right now, it is just hard.


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