burn out

19 Feb

I started googling, “Homeschool burn out…”

Is that really a thing?  Apparently, yes, and there are classic symptoms:

Fatigue–oh my gosh…so tired!  I’ve literally been falling asleep at the computer while trying to get work done.

Impatience—uh, yes, I’m sorry, children.  I’m tired of saying, “I’m sorry.”  I just want the crankies to take a hike.

Feeling overwhelmed—meh.  Yes, somedays.

The desire to have the entire family “go away”—YES!  Please—someone take them all away!  Or even better, take me away to a beach where it is warm and the sun shines and the waves crash against the shore.  Calgon, if you are a real thing, please do your thing and take me away.

Feeling “behind” in curriculum—I wouldn’t say that—but I will drop everything, including my sanity to make sure we get in all our scheduled school for the day.

You guys, I feel like I’ve hit a wall.  In fact, this entire school year has been one big, brick, mean, ugly, stupid wall.  One that I can’t seem to climb over or break down.  Instead, I just sit there staring at it trying to figure out how to get it to let me through to the other side.  You know the other side?  Where there is balance, peace, joy, love, and productivity all in harmony.

I know that a lot of this started this time last year when we decided to put our house up for sale, then sold it in like a month, had to move twice, live with my parents, then spend months working on this house, and suddenly—BAM!  School was here and the refreshing days of the laid back summer schedules were gone, never to be felt by this tired soul.

And so the Fall came, school was here, activities geared up, schedules became super full.  And I just wanted to crawl into a hole and sleep a big bear hibernating kind of sleep.

But, of course, I didn’t.

I know that having kids super sick for 7 weeks straight during Christmas and beyond didn’t help matters, either.  Nor did Jason taking on a new job that is *super* stressful and requires a lot of hours of work.  It’s been a crazy year of change and transition. 

And, so this school year is 3/4 of the way done…the kids are rocking out school, James is as fiesty as ever, and I’m so burned out, I feel like a pile of ashes at the bottom of a long-lived fire. 

According to Dr. Google, the solution to burn out are:

Take a break – how does one do this when the husband works, grandparents work, and friends are all doing their own mommy thing.  One article suggested paying a sitter to take the kids.  I wonder if the author plans to pay for those sitters, too?

Lower your expectations—yes, yes, I know. 

Pray—I do this.  I have a spiritual director that I meet with and he is currently kicking my spiritual life back into an ordered place.  I trust this will help the rest of my life find it’s order, too.  But, old habits die hard.

Express your needs to your spouse—Ha!  I’m a broken record.  He’s heard it all.

Reduce your involvement out of the home—Yes.  Already done.

Increase your involvement out of the home—one site listed both of these.  I don’t get it, either.

Find the quiet moments throughout the day—one woman wrote about taking 5 minutes to go into her room and just breathe big breaths.  I laughed at this.  I can’t even pee without someone following me in the bathroom. 

I’m stuck, guys.  I know I need to find some “down time,” I just don’t know how to do that.  Relaxing is not really in my nature.  And I feel ridiculous guilt on the rare occasion that I do etch out some “me time.”  I know that it a lie from the devil—that life is a marathon meant to be raced.  That there is a constant to do list and a good day is determined by accomplishments instead of loving my family, and myself.  I know this. 

I want it to change.

This wall?  Apparently it needs a sledge hammer.

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One Response to “burn out”

  1. chewcv February 20, 2014 at 4:02 am #

    I feel like I am in a similar situation at the minute. More to do with being a parent in general, not just home schooling. My kiddies are 5, 3 and 1 and I feel constantly drained! Don’t give up on prayer. Prayer is a powerful thing, sometimes it is all we can do!

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